


Never Have I Ever

by CaptainSwanStories



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-27
Updated: 2019-07-23
Packaged: 2020-05-20 21:48:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 18,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19385290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainSwanStories/pseuds/CaptainSwanStories
Summary: Emma's landlord has called in a favor. It's up to her to give the new neighbor a warm welcome. Except 'warm' might not be the exact vibe she is getting... After telling her best friend Ruby what happened with the new guy, she is challenging Emma into a dating-dare. They have to plan a date every single month for one year straight. Sounds very doable until Emma's date cancels on the last day of the month. This leaves her with only one option: dating the guy who just moved in. There is only one problem... they can't stand each other...





	1. Chapter 1

The smell of freshly baked cookies fills the kitchen as I pull the last batch out of the oven. The first batch has cooled just enough for me to arrange them on a plate. The perfect housewarming gift. Or apartment warming, actually. My friend and landlord, August, asked me to welcome the new neighbor on the floor above me. As the cookies are now 'Instagram worthy', I take a pint of milk from the fridge and tuck it under my elbow. These cookies are a secret family recipe, a favorite among my friends. And since I can't show up to anyone's place empty-handed, cookies it is!

With the apartment warming gift in hand, I exit my home and pull the door shut behind me. I climb up the stairs, a bit nervous, but also excited to see a new face. My circle of friends is tight-knit and consists of my best friend Ruby, and her brother August. Oh and don't forget Robin, our resident handyman, and general man-whore. Honestly, August could have welcomed his new tenant himself, but he doesn't make cookies as good as mine. If I'm remembering right, the new neighbor's name is Killian.

I reach the landing to apartment number three, juggling the cookies and milk to knock on the door. I stop short when I find the door open, moving boxes scattered, music blaring, and... a barely dressed man. I don't mean to stare, but my eyes are locked on the shift and flex of naked skin as my new neighbor picks up a box. His glistening back to me, I watch a drop of sweat trailing its way down corded muscles before soaking into the low-slung denim covering his lean, trim hips.

It's not like I haven't seen a shirtless guy before, but wow. Just wow. I need to stop staring. Thank goodness he hasn't noticed me yet. I lift my hand and rap my knuckles on the door frame. He spins around, a look of surprise on his gorgeous face. That expression quickly morphs to a scowl as he takes me in, cookies and all.

'What the...' His annoyed tone catches me off guard. Maybe I should have just walked away.

'Hey... I'm from apartment number two and...' My voice fades as he pulls his shirt over his head and stalks toward me. His bare torso is now covered, which is probably a good thing, as I can now focus on his face.

'What do you want?'

Now I got annoyed as well. I'm carrying cookies and milk at nine on a Sunday morning. What does he think I want? I decide to push aside my anger and try to turn this situation around. 'I stopped by to say hey. Killian, right? I live down in apartment two. I'm friends with August, the landlord.'

Instead of returning my smile, Killian looks even more annoyed. 'The girl next door'

I'm so confused. Where is this dislike coming from? I only wanted to give him cookies. 'Um, yeah. Or girl downstairs technically'

He rolls his eyes. 'Christ. I don't need this.' He rakes his hand through his hair and blows out a harsh breath. 'Look, Apartment Two. Whatever you're offering, I'm not interested.'

I stare at him in disbelief. Was he suggesting...? Whatever I'm offering? I smirk and grab a cookie and take a bite right in front of him, adding a moan for effect. His eyes go hungry. For the cookies or the moan, I'm not sure.

'Then, I'm offering you look over your rental agreement on noise pollution and turn down your music.'

Let's see how you like that, jerk. I get a glimpse of his annoyed expression before he slams the door shut in my face. 

⚓️

The next day, I've just left my apartment as Killian comes downstairs. I do my best to ignore him, but he approaches me, his steps slow and hesitant. Oh right, he wants to talk now? After what happened yesterday? This better be good. I turn to face him, forcing my eyes to meet his and not wander down the length of his amazing body, which I saw half-naked yesterday...

'Hey, Apartment Two'

'I have a name, you know. It's Emma.'

He smiled. 'Right, Emma. So I wanted to apologize for what happened yesterday.'

He does seem sincere, but I'm still pretty peeved. The first impression counts. 'That's nice, but that doesn't change the fact you assumed I showed up to your apartment offering myself'

'I said I was sorry. It was a bad time, okay?'

I lock my door with a jerk of my wrist, irritation simmering beneath my skin. 'Well, to prevent any more 'bad times', how about you mind your business in your apartment and I'll mind my business in mine?'

'Fine'

'Fine!' I snort back

I walk down the hall, leaving him staring after me.

⚓️

Wicker Park in Chicago in June is full of people enjoying the sun and slight breeze. At the park, I meet my best friend, Ruby, for our weekly Sunday chat on our favorite bench. Ruby and August are really close siblings. So close that they live in the same apartment building as the rest of us. And like me, Ruby is also happily single. I brought along the rest of the cookies since Killian rejected them in a spectacular fashion earlier.

'You are a goddess for making cookies for us. It's been a long week' Ruby sighs as she takes a bite.

I smile kindly. I didn't make the cookies for us, but Ruby doesn't know that yet. 'Did your brother tell you that a new guy moved into apartment three this weekend?'

Ruby leans back and closes her eyes against the sun. 'I think he mentioned it. Did you see him?'

'Oh, I more than saw him'

Ruby straightens and focuses on me. 'Wait, what? I feel a storytime coming on.'

'So, I made cookies and went up to his apartment.'

'Ooh, Emma's specialty. What a lucky man.'

'Let me finish. So, I walk up to his door, and it's open. He's inside, shirtless, moving boxes.'

Ruby giggles. 'This sounds like the start of a porn video'

I roll my eyes, but she's not wrong. 'So he sees me, but he's not happy. He looked at me like I just kicked his puppy.'

Her expression changes from happy into shock. 'What, really?'

I nod. 'Really. He asks me what I want as if it's not obvious since I'm holding a plate of cookies. Then he tells me he's not interested in anything I'm offering'.' I feel the irritation burning beneath my skin again.

Ruby's eyes widen. 'He did not!'

'Oh, he did. Very much so. And when I responded by telling him to turn the music down, he slammed the door in my face.'

'What. An. Ass'

I nod in agreement again. 'To top it off, he called me 'Apartment Two'.' 

'That's insulting. Like you don't merit an identity beyond the female occupying space beneath him'

I hesitate. 'Well... I'm not sure I'd go that far. He did apologize this morning.'

'Oh really? What did he say?'

'He said it was a bad time. I'm still a little annoyed though'

She rests her hand on my knee. 'It's okay to still be annoyed'

I smile and realize that this is exactly why we are friends. Ruby gets me. I glance at the newspaper but I'm too irritated about Killian to focus on the headlines.

'August said he's in freelance marketing and renting month-to-month. If we're lucky, he's out by fall'

Ruby shakes her head in disbelief. 'I still can't believe he thought you were hitting on him'

'Right? Because that's me, always looking for a husband. Why does everyone always do that? Assume we need a relationship to be satisfied. I'm happy with everything I have now. A relationship is a headache I don't need.'

She shrugs. 'How is everything by the way? Catch me up on what's new with you'

'You know Marian, who Robin has been seeing?' I ask

'Yeah! She seems nice. I hope Robin doesn't break her heart too bad when he moves on like he always does.'

'Well, she told me she thinks they're getting serious'

'Oh no. Poor thing. She's delusional.'

I shrug. 'Maybe they are'

'Robin? Getting serious? No way!'

Ruby points discreetly, and I follow her finger to see a couple making out on a blanket in the park. 'Do you ever wonder though? About that?'

I laugh, thinking Ruby is making a joke, but her expression is wishful. 'Maybe it's time to stop shutting down every guy who asks me out. Maybe it's time to open myself up to possibilities.'

I sputter, shocked by the words coming out of my best friend. I thought Ruby and I were on the same page about relationships, but maybe not. 'Where is this coming from?'

She sighs. 'Well, everything is great right now, but what about in 10 or 15 years? August and Robin will stop sleeping around and get married. Where will that leave us?'

'Ruby, come on. The guys aren't getting married.'

'Not today, but they might soon. I'm not saying we need to do anything drastic, Em. Just give someone else a chance for a change. Don't you want someone to look at you the way those two look at each other?'

I look at the couple again and turn my face back to Ruby. 'It would be nice, I guess'

Ruby shifts closer, her brows furrowed in concern. 'Are you over you-know-who?'

I swallow down against the gut-churning acid sensation that follows Ruby's words. 'Yes, completely over him. And happy with my life the way it is!'

She smiles. 'I just wonder sometimes if I'm limiting myself.'

I grab her hand. 'I think it's great you're opening yourself up to possibilities. But here's a question. You never like anyone. How are you going to find anyone to give a chance to?'

Ruby perks up like she's been waiting for me to ask. 'So here's my plan: I have a mandatory date once a month with a man who fits my criteria.'

'What if you miss a month?'

'I have to suffer a consequence, some kind of penalty that'll ensure I follow through on the date.'

'That sounds like a plan. Make rules about what constitutes a legitimate date, too. You can't go out with the same guy over and over just to make it count.'

'Thanks Em, that's a great idea. So you think it's a solid plan?'

I embrace her. 'Yep. It's a fantastic idea!'

She smirks. 'Great, because you're doing it with me.'

'What? No way'

'Why not? We can hold each other accountable'

'How so?'

'It will be like a pact. If one of us misses a month, we have to pay for a spa day for the other.'

'Don't drag me into this, Rub. It's a no from me, and I mean it'

She smiles again

'No. Stop smiling at me like that!'


	2. Chapter 2

I can't believe I let Ruby talk me into this... It's been five months into the pact, with each month a struggle to find a date who fits into the pact's requirements. Guys who are a friend of a friend, have proof of current employment, aren't sketchy, allergen approved, know how to laugh, and are honest... Who knew the pickings were so slim? Which is why I had to use August as a stand-in date. Again. We stand underneath the apartment building's stone entry, looking at everywhere but each other.

'Thanks for bailing me out, August'

August is the regular kind of man. He isn't extremely attractive, a bit nerdy but incredibly sweet. 'Sure. It's no problem. Dinner was fun.'

My cheeks were turning bright red. 'So, uh, there's just one other thing. We have to kiss.'

August frowns and reaches up with one hand to rub the back of his neck. 'I know that and all about the pact. And just so we're clear, this is the last date I bail you out for. If the raised stakes of a second date means an open-mouthed kiss with tongue... I don't even want to think about what's involved for a third.'

'But you know what you signed up for, so stop complaining.'

I take a deep breath of my own and reach out to stiffly lace my fingers with his. 'I do really appreciate what you're doing for me, August. I'm sure this kiss probably won't be half as bad as we're imagining.'

'Are you sure this is really necessary? Can't we just say we did, except we don't?'

'You mean lie to Ruby?'

He stares at his feet. 'Thing is, I've been lying to her for most of my life. So I'm good with it, actually. And believe me, she wouldn't expect anything less'

I shake my head emphatically. 'No way. It's the honor system, August. Honor.'

August bites his lip and sighs heavily. 'Fine. Let's get this over with. You want to lean against the wall or something?'

I glance over at the stone wall and remember the outdoor neighborhood cats prowling around. 'Nah, I'm good'

'Okay, then'

He takes a step back and cracks his knuckles. Bouncing on the balls of his feet, he rolls his shoulders.

'This is very dramatic. We're kissing, you're not about to get into a boxing match.'

He laughs too, easing some of the tension. It's not that August isn't attractive, honestly. But he's so close a friend that he's practically family. This is probably going to feel like kissing my own brother. Gross.

'Okay... do I have to touch you or can I lean in?'

'Whatever you normally do'

He places one hand on my hip and another one under my hair, and I fight the urge to cringe away. Just think open to the possibilities, Emma. Stupid pact. August closes the distance between our faces. The kiss is as cold and stiff as I imagined it, and I part my lips reluctantly. Then, I feel the slimy, wet sensation of his tongue stabbing into my mouth twice. It was as gross as I imagined it. At least I'm done with the pact for this month. August is such a good friend. I need to buy him a beer.

'Huck!'

I wrench myself back, my draw dropping in horror. 'Did you just gag?'

The guilt in his eyes tells me all I need to know. This night can't get any worse. It's not possible.

'Hey. Wow'

I whirl around to see my least favorite neighbor standing behind me on the walkway up to the apartment. I take back what I said. Witnesses are definitely worse. Especially when it's Apartment Three.

'I'm going to call it a night. Thanks again, August.'

August's eyes shift from me to Killian, back to me.

'Yeah sure. Sorry about...'

I interrupt him, not wanting to give Killian any more fuel. 'It's fine'

I unlock the door to the apartment building and scurry upstairs to my place. I open my door to find Ruby sitting on my couch. She wrinkles her nose at me. 'I feel dirty'

Stepping into my home, I glance at the TV to see it's been turned into the camera feed pointed at the front stoop. The place where I nearly tasted her brother's dinner. 'Were you watching us?'

My best friend remains silent and switches the TV to a different channel. Great. Just what I need. Another witness. Then again, maybe she deserves to share in the suffering, too. 'If you feel dirty then maybe you shouldn't have broken into my apartment to spy'

'I didn't break in'

Robin's voice echoes from my bedroom.

'There was no breaking. I used my key' he explains

Why did I think it was a good idea to let Robin keep my spare key? 'Why were you in my room?'

He chuckles. 'I'm checking to see if that three-pack of condoms I bought you a while ago is still in your bedside table'

'Oh, they're still there. Unopened.'

Robin holds up the box with a grin. 'Yep. Got 'em. Also, nice panty drawer.'

I ignore his comments and flop down on the couch with Ruby. 'So how bad was the kiss? Where we at least kind of sexy?'

'Not even close'

Robin laughs. 'It was bad, Emma. Like blunt trauma to the eyeballs. I don't get this pact. Why are you trying to force something with guys you aren't interested in? Wait for a guy who actually does it for you. If you were getting an itch scratched once in a while, it'd be different...'

He stops talking abruptly and turns to Ruby. 'Wait, Ruby. Where do you get your itch scratched?'

Ruby freezes, eyes wide, her jaw working without any actual words coming out. I laugh. Someone else in the hot seat for once. Those two have always had a close relationship. Almost a little too close for platonic friends. Sometimes, I wonder if there could be something between them... August walks through my front door, his hair damp.

'Wait a minute... August, did you just shower?' I ask.

August has the courtesy to look apologetic. 'Sorry. I felt... dirty'

Ouch. There goes the last shreds of my ego.

August didn't notice. 'What's this I overheard about an itch? Ruby, do you have a rash or something?'

Robin smirks and looks at Ruby. 'Yeah, what's that about...'

Ruby looks shocked but recovered quickly. 'Emma is thinking of letting Apartment Three scratch her itch for her.'

'What?! Ruby!'

'He's really hot, totally available, and right upstairs. Am I wrong?'

'Yes, you're wrong. I have no interest in Killian'

She smiles. 'I think you both protest too much'

'No way. He's a jerk and not even that hot.'  I'm not completely telling the truth but she doesn't need to know that. 

⚓️

Days later, I find myself perched at my windowsill with Ruby, sharing a bag of cheese puffs. 'Does Three really have to stretch on the sidewalk after his run? It's messing with my view'

'Yes, completely ruins the scenery' Ruby responds sarcastically.

'You know what annoys me the most? I bump into him constantly.'

Ruby nods and stuffs another cheese puff into her mouth, eyes not moving from the subject of my conversation outside.

'Definitely annoying'

'At the grocery store. In the hall. While I'm picking up my dish at Malnati's. Did I tell you that I even ran into him at Boots when I ran for tampons? He's everywhere!'

Ruby fakes a shocked expression. 'How dare he? I mean, he does live in this building and needs to go to the grocery store, too...'

I shoot her a glare, and her expression changes immediately.

'I mean, you're right. What a stalker!'

'Thank you! And with this running... I see him every day when I walk home from work'

'Every day? Do you ignore each other?'

I roll my eyes. 'I wish. Instead, he makes eye contact and gives me a smug smile, like he knows how badly he gets under my skin.'

'If he gets under your skin this badly, imagine what would happen if you let him into your sheets' she blurts out.

'Hell no! I can't stand that guy!'

'That bad?'

'We say hello and bye. Maybe throw in some insults for fun. '

'I was hoping for some heavy flirting.'

'Absolutely not. At least, I'm pretty sure I'm not flirting with him..'

I glance back out the window to see Killian stretching his neck, the damp spikes of his hair hanging over his eyes.

'Oh I like it when he rolls out his shoulder like that' Ruby says but suddenly stopped talking. 'Shoot, he spotted us!'

Killian's eyes meet mine, and I'm nearly taken aback by the lopsided grin that breaks out across his face. His right brow arches in a 'well, what do we have here' look as he watches us watching him. I yank hard on Ruby's shoulder and pull her below the windowsill with me.

'Hey, he already knows we're watching him!'

'No, we were looking at the sidewalk outside of my window! He just happens to be occupying it, too'

She laughs. 'I don't really remember us doing this much window staring before he moved in and started contaminating the view'

'Coincidence'

'Yep, must be' she answers sarcastically.

After a minute or two, I risk a peek through the window again. Killian is nowhere to be found.

I head to my kitchen and lean against the counter. Ruby joins a few seconds later.

'So, any prospects for a date this month?' she asks.

'Actually, yes! Do you remember when you broke your wrist two years ago?' 

A smile appears on her face. 'Wait, are you talking about Hot Doc? He was so into you!'

'Yes! Whale is perfect. Employed. Has no cats. We have a date scheduled for the 30th.'

'Not sooner?'

I shake my head. 'His schedule at the hospital is crazy'

'But you're open to possibilities with him, right?'

I haven't told Ruby that he's leaving for two months right after our date, pretty much shutting down any possibilities. 'Yes, I'm open. Completely. Do you have any prospects?'

'A cop. I met him at court. He's a solid eight on the hot scale'

'Are you excited?'

'I'm open'

Ruby doesn't seem any more excited about the possibilities than I am. Sighing, I return back to the living room with my glass of water. Movement outside of my window catches my eye. Craning my neck down to see, I spot Robin and August talking with Killian. They seem friendly.

'Ruby!'

'Yeah?' she asks as she leaves the kitchen.

'Get over here! Quick!'

Ruby arrives at my side in seconds. 'What? Did Killian take off his shirt?'

'No! What is this out there? Why are there handshakes and back pats?'

'Uh, what do you prefer? Kissing or fighting?'

It's selfish and I can't help it, but I don't want my friends to befriend Killian. As Robin and August walk into the apartment building, Killian glances up and our eyes meet. He smirks and juts his chin at me while he double-bumps the pinks side of his fists together. Friends-style. Don't laugh, don't laugh, don't laugh. There's no helping it. He looks absolutely ridiculous. I laugh and choke on my water, Ruby reaching over to pound my back.

'We'll blame him for that, too' she says.

⚓️

That night, loud cheers greet me as I shut August's door, my movie night contribution in my other hand.

'Hello! I come bearing cookies.'

I hear a familiar rumble of laughter and stop dead in my tracks. No way. They wouldn't have invited him. Not to sacred, friends-only movie night... Killian cranes his neck from his perch on the coach. He grins. 'Hey, Two!'

'What are you doing here?'


	3. Chapter 3

I can't believe he's here! With Ruby hot on my heels, I stomp into August's kitchen and slam my tote of cookies onto the counter. 'First, I've got Robin giving me this whole 'he's not so bad' spiel. Then, I walk into August's for our usual hangout, and what do I find? That ass sitting in my favorite seat with my best friends, handing them a beer.' 

Ruby sighs. 'You know you sound like a lunatic, right?' 

I take a deep, calming breath. 'Take it from my position: you all know how I feel about Three, but no one warned me he'd be here. So I'm feeling a little betrayed and ambushed, you know.'

'Em, you're my bestie and all, but maybe you should ease up and bury the hatchet with...'

I crack open the lid to my cookies. The smell wafts around the kitchen. Immediately, Ruby presses against my side, leaning over my shoulder and inhaling deeply. 

'Okay, nevermind. I take it back. I can't believe his nerve showing up like this. What an ass! Can I have a cookie?'

I chuckle at her comment. 'That's much better.'

I smile sweetly and let Ruby get the first pick. Of course, my friends can have a cookie. Cookie tray in hand, I march triumphantly to the living room, where the men are lounging. 

'Hey, everyone. At the gourmet market yesterday, I saw they had the big, plump raisins in stock'.

At the corner of my eye, I see Killian look up with interest, his gaze landing solidly on my tray. 

'I hope you guys don't mind that I made my Aunt's oatmeal raisin instead of the usual chocolate chip.'

A chorus of masculine groans follows my announcement. Robin and August practically vibrate in their seats from excitement. I circle the room and hand out cookies, making sure to point out the biggest, thickest, most golden ones and skipping Killian altogether. 'Well, now that everybody has a cookie, who wants milk?'

Raised hands counted, I head back into August's kitchen with my tray of cookies. All too aware of my least favorite infiltrator following my steps. 

'These cookies look pretty good, Apartment Two'

The tote lands on the counter as I turn around, shielding them with my body. Hands in his pocket, Killian ducks his head and shoots me a look under his thick lashes, flashing a dimpled smile at me. I bet that smile has gotten him a lot of things he shouldn't have had. 'Convince me why you deserve a cookie, Three'

He sighs. 'Come on, Two. You can't hold a grudge forever. Let me have one.'

I cross my arms. 'As it happens, Three. I can hold a grudge forever' 

His eyes shift to the cookies behind me. 

'Sizing up my raisins? Trying to decide if they're worth the risk?'

'It was like the soundtrack to a porn video in that room, with the way all those guys were grunting and groaning over them. They are worth it. Eyes on the prize.'

'Well, I wouldn't get my hopes up'

'Don't you think it's time we called a truce? We're neighbors after all' 

Killian takes a step closer, dangerously close to my personal space. He inhales, then exhales slowly, his breath fanning against my hair and sending goosebumps down my spine. Leaning in, he braces a hand on the counter near my hip. My thoughts scatter as his dimpled smile appears. 

'We should be more neighborly, Emma. Don't you think?' he whispers

'I don't really need any more friends. You stay in your space, and I'll stay in mine.'

He's not backing down. If anything, his smile turns more wicked. 

'Can I at least get a cookie? Just one? Then I won't ask again' 

I just want him to get out of my face. 'Fine, have a cookie. I don't care.' 

I place my hand on his chest, with the intention of stopping this power play and getting him out of my space. But as I make contact, my skin practically hums, a low-level charge making its way up my arm. What is this? I glance up and find Killian staring back at me, all previous humor and smiles gone. 

'Two...'

His clear blue eyes drop down, focusing on my mouth, and I fight the urge to lick my lips. What happened if I leaned in? Just an inch... Killian's brows crash down, and he takes a step back, severing the connection. He blinks a few times as if to clear a mental fog. Just like the one clouding mine. What is wrong with me? That was too close for comfort. I step aside and wave a hand at the cookie tray. 

'Have a cookie. The rest of them. I don't care'

Killian shakes his head mutely and leaves the kitchen empty-handed. 

⚓️

 

It's the last day of November. Coincidentally, it's also time for my date. Gotta honor the pact. Jazz notes croon through the air of the busy bar, with a band playing in the corner. It's nice to get out of the apartment. Since that night at August's, it's been really awkward with Three in the hallway. It's strange. I'll fire off one of my usual taunts at him, but he just takes off with hardly a word. I'm trying to convince myself I don't miss our banter. I should get my mind off of him, since this date is all about Hot Doc, eh... Whale. I feel my phone buzz in my pocket and open the message from Whale.

'Sorry, I have a few patient charts I have to wrap up. I'll be there in 30 minutes. Looking forward to seeing you soon.'

That's fine. Gotta do what you have to do. I'll watch some TV at the bar while I wait. I grab a stool and decline a drink from the bartender. As long as he shows up, everything will be fine. It's the end of the month. I really don't have time to find another date. 

'Can I buy you a drink?' someone asks.

I glance at the man leaning on the bar next to me. 'No, thank you.' 

'C'mon. One drink?'

Can't this guy take a hint? This time, I pull out my phone and stare at it, not bothering to look up at him. 'No, thanks'. Take the hint and go, please. 

'Okay, but my friends are watching, and I bet them I'd be able to talk you into a drink. I'm in sales, so you don't want me to look like I can't do my job, do you?'

Seriously? What kind of lame attempt is this? I turn around without a word, but instead of leaving, he takes my silence as acceptance and signals the bartender. A broad set of shoulders wedges between me and the man at the bar. 

'Excuse me. I think my friend here is saving me a seat' 

I look up. Three? A friend? He hasn't said a word to me since the cookie incident. The man shifts down the bar but keeps glancing back at me to see if Killian stays or leaves.

'Hot Doc running late?' he asks

Of course, he would know about my date. Thanks, friends. 'He got stuck at work, but he'll be here. What are you doing here?' 

'A guy I know through work is playing in the band. I saw you come in and figured I'd save you from being hassled.'

'Thanks'

'Do you have an ETA on when your date will get here?'

I look at my watch. 'He was supposed to leave 15 minutes ago, so probably any minute now.'

'Do you want me to go? Or stay and keep the suitors off you?'

Mr. Sales is still lingering at the bar, waiting for Killian to take off so he can get another shot. 

'Sure, you can stay. But don't think this gets you off my cookie blacklist.'

He laughs. 'Of course not'

Killian checks his phone as the silence stretches between us. Another minute passes and each second seems to vibrate in the air, the invisible tension building. I can't take this anymore. 'This is weird. Sitting here not talking to you is making me annoyed'

'You want to talk?' he asks surprised

'I guess I'd like to know what your problem is'

'My problem?'

He shoots me a sidelong glance over his phone, and I note the guarded tension in his shoulders. 

'I don't need to be your best girl pal. Trust me, I've got plenty of friends. But, I don't know. For a while there, I thought we had something?'

Killian's eyebrows shoot up in alarm, and a laugh escapes me. 'See? Here's a perfect example. You latched on to the wrong idea there. Typically, I'd love to watch you squirm. But you're giving me nothing back. Not a single insult. Our usual sporting bitchery is gone. What changed?'

Killian's eyes close, and he rubs a palm over his mouth, muttering a curse. Despite that, you can see the lines in his face relaxing, his shoulders loosening. 'So....' He turns in his bar stool to face me, and his knee grazes against my legs. 'What you're saying is, you miss me?'

'I miss the opportunity to practice my sick burns, not you.'

'Nice to know my value' 

'Just wanted to make things clear. But really, what happened to us, Three?' Come on... take the opening and make fun of me. We can go back to normal...'

Instead, Killian lets out a slow breath, looking down at the floor. 'I didn't want to be an asshole'

I can't help but laugh at the statement, and Killian lets a grin cross his face. 

'Not a real one, anyway. But back at August's with the cookies, it felt like I crossed a line. I thought if I backed off, stopped acting like a prick, maybe we could coexist in the same circle'

I nod understandingly. 'Makes sense. But you also could have tried, I don't know, being nice?'

Before Killian can answer, my phone lights up with a text. 'Oh, maybe that's Whale' 

I grab my phone and open his text.

'This is Dr. Whale's nurse writing on his behalf. The doctor was called in for emergency surgery. He regrets not being able to meet you for dinner'

My stomach seems to plummet as I read the words. What am I going to do now? I have no time left! 

'Still held up?'

'He's not going to make it'

I swivel around in my stool and start scanning the crowd for any single guys. Shit! I need a back-up date, now! 

'Don't even think about it, Emma'

'Emma? Since when have you called me that?'

Killian glances at his phone one more time before putting it away. He takes a deep breath as if bracing himself... Then, he reaches out and grazes the tips of his fingers under my chin.

'I'm not going to call my date 'Apartment Two'. It doesn't exactly smack of 'open to the possibilities''

Date? What's he talking about? The brief touch of his skin against mine sings along my nerves. I try my best to ignore it. Wait, he isn't proposing... 'I appreciate the offer, Apartment Three, but no thanks'

 'Why not?'

'I'm not sure I can sell the whole 'open' thing with you'

'The way I understand it is, all you have to do is agree to the date and be willing to accept the possibility that I might be able to make you want something more'

His lips turn up into a joking grin. 'As hard as it may be to even consider.'

I'm a little torn that he knows so much about the pact, but he's not wrong. I need a date now, but I just can't do that with him. Pulling away from Killian, I grab my purse. 'I'm going home. Ruby's been whining for a spa day anyway, so I guess I'll spring for it this month as my penalty'

He seems shocked. 'You really rather fork up a few hundred dollars than spend a few hours with me?'

'I don't mean it like that, Three. It's fine. You really don't have to do this'

'I know we don't always get along, but let me help you. I can't live with being the dick who left you hanging, especially after...'

After I confronted him about being so withdrawn from me. It's better than paying up the penalty, I guess. And it's more money toward buying the gallery... I sigh in resignation. 'Okay, fine. But just so we're clear. I'm not falling for you'

'Why'd you think I was willing to offer?'


	4. Chapter 4

'You know, I don't consider a bowling alley a romantic setting for a date'

From my plastic molded seat, I watch my surprise date for the evening stand in front of the ball rack. 

'If you ask me, bowling is the ideal first date'. Killian picks up one ball before replacing it with another, each movement causing the ropelike muscles in his forearm to flex.

'You don't have to sit and make awkward conversation for an hour and a half. You get to see what they're like in a competitive situation without it being too serious. Plus, you get to wear comfortable shoes, which is why we got you a pair of socks before this.' he continues

He shoots a look over at my rental shoes and gives me a wink. 'Your toes will thank me tomorrow. Honestly, people don't give enough credit to nonphysical compatibility. Sure, chemistry is important. But, if you're looking to start a relationship rather than hooking up a couple of times... You should turn off the bedroom eyes and see what it's like to hang out. Have fun. Go bowling.'

'Are you sure you're not looking for an excuse to finger 16 pounds of ball?'

Killian turns away from me to test another ball, but there's no hiding the grin playing at the corners of his mouth. He looks good when he smiles.

I decide to change the subject. 'So, first-date-wise, this is how you roll?' 

'It is now' he says

'But it didn't use to be?'

He steps up to the line, face suddenly blank and unreadable. His eyes focus on the pins.

'Okay, babe. Let's bowl.'

Strike. Of course. Killian turns to me with a wicked grin on his face, brow raised in expectation.

'Yes, yes, you did very well. Don't gloat.'

'You like it. I can tell'

'What I can tell is that someone has a dirty secret about bowling being his favorite hobby'

He shrugs. 'Just a natural athlete, that's all'

The pins are going to take a little while to reset. I should try to learn more about Killian while I have the chance. 'How's your job going?'

'Not bad. I enjoy it. I'm fortunate I can work anywhere and make decent money.'

'I heard from August that you're from New York. If you can work anywhere, what made you pick Chicago?'

I note his pause as his smile becomes somewhat strained. He motions to the ball return.

'You're up!'

I guess it's a sensitive subject. I take my turn, knocking down a total of seven pins. When I return to my seat, Killian is back to gloating.

'I just need to warm up'

He grins widely. 'Suuuuure'

He bowls again, this time earning a spare. When he takes a seat next to me, his expression is thoughtful. 'August mentioned you were talking about buying in the gallery. How's that going?'

'Slowly. It's hard pinning down Granny'

'She's the gallery owner, right? She's not ready to give up the reins?'

I sigh deeply. 'It's not that. More like she's not interested in holding them long enough to discuss any plans, much less make them. I've mostly been running the gallery on my own since I started. She's kind of a free spirit.'

He nods. 'That's impressive. So you had to learn quick?'

'Yep. Three years after I'd started, I brought in some new artists and increased sales by 30%.'

He seems impressed. 'Wow, that's amazing. Do you have any sort of plan worked out with her?'

'It was actually her idea for me to buy into the gallery as her partner and then outright once I had enough savings.'

'So, what's her hold up?'

'Business talk isn't her favorite. It'll happen. It's just a matter of time. Which is why I want to thank you for the rescue. I may not be ready to sign the papers with Granny this week, but I've been saving like crazy. And having to pay for Ruby's spa treatment, just because I planned poorly...'

I look up from my feet to see a smirk at Killian's face. 'Don't thank me yet. I'm planning on leaving you in the dust this game. Whenever you feel like taking your next turn'

I laugh and start moving toward the ball return. The rest of our time at the alley passes in easy conversation and friendly insults. Afterward, Killian hails a cab to head back to the apartment building. The two of us settle in for the ride.

'I'm glad I brought my scarf. It's pretty cold out'

I shiver and reach up to fix my scarf. My hands still in the air as Killian suddenly leans over, his fingers reaching for my collar.

'Hold still, Emma'

Drawing me closer to him, he adjusts my coat collar so the scarf lies beneath it. As he carefully tucks in my scarfs ends, I'm too aware of the unmistakable graze of his fingers along my neck.

'Thanks. I can take it from here'

I move to brush his fingers away. The contact causes me to freeze, a warm tingle spreading along my skin. What is this? This sort of thing doesn't happen to me anymore. I stare at my fingers touching his. His hands look like they can nearly envelop mine. Killian, too, seems nearly hypnotized by the sight. He looks up, his darkening gaze locked with mine. I sigh but decide to lean back, break his hold and the moment. He smiles and pats my shoulder.

'You should button up, Two. Temperature's dropping'

What was that? I busy myself with my coat to get over my unexpected reaction to Killian, feeling his eyes on me. After a few seconds, I muster the courage to glance over. Killian is still watching me, a questioning look on his face. 'What is it?' I ask him. 

'Hot Doc. Are you disappointed the date didn't happen?'

Phew. A change in conversation. I was worried he'd want to talk about what just happened. 'I'm not really sad about the cancellation. I wasn't a fan of the scramble to find another date part, though.'

'How do you have so much trouble finding dates? You're beautiful, intelligent, and fun.'

'The problem is me. I like life the way it is, and I only agreed to the pact so Ruby didn't have to do it alone. Each month I have to find a guy where the compatibility isn't there from the start. That way, when it's over, I don't have to worry about him getting his feelings hurt when I say no for a second date.'

Killian stares at me, unblinking. 'You intentionally go out on bad dates to protect guys from getting their feelings hurt and so your friend can find the romance you aren't interested in. Emma, you know that's nuts, right?'

'Oh, it's definitely nuts. I'm glad you recognize that. But so far, it seems like the best solution I've found. The pact only lasts a year, besides.'

'What was wrong with Hot Doc? The guys made it sound like he could've been the real deal.'

'Whale? Oh, no. He was an exception to my rule, just because he falls so far to the other extreme.'

'What do you mean by that?'

'Good looking, charming, a doctor. And seriously, if things don't work out with him? I'm sure there's a line of women hoping to take his mind off it.'

The cab pulls up to our apartment building, and Killian helps me out of the cab.

'Thanks again for helping me out. I'm trying to save money so... yeah. Thanks.'

He opens the door to the building and lets me pass through.

'So, what do you think? Ready to run off with me for good or should we give this friend thing a go?'

'Sure, let's run off together'

Killian takes a half-step back and coughs, trying to hide his shock.

'I mean, as a running buddy. I always see you jogging by' I correct myself.

I take the moment to study his obvious relief. 'What? You thought I was that easy? Please. I'm at least a three dates or more.'

He smirks. 'If your second date with August is any indication, I wish you luck on reaching a third with anyone'

With hands balled up in my hips, I hiss out my next words. 'If you want to be friends, you should never speak about that incident again.'

'Friends it is, then'

The two of us continue up the stairwell, stopping for a moment at my apartment door.

'But friends who trash talk once in a while, right?' he asks doubtfully.

I smile. 'You seriously thought we'd stop?'

Laughing, Killian waves goodnight and continues up the stairs. I stand still, watching him disappear from sight, and reach up to touch my neck with my fingertips. The place where his fingers brushed earlier in the cab. Yeah, Emma. Friends.

⚓️

It's another day and a new month. How did it become December already? I'm meeting up with the group for dinner. I wonder If Killian will be there.

Ruby takes the seat next to me at The Bristol. Around us, the restaurant is packed with other customers. Across the table, Robin snatches the menu from August's grasp.

'Is Killian coming?' Ruby asks me.

'How would I know?'

'Aren't you two besties now or something?'

Do two weeks of lingering sexual tension and flirting put us into the category of besties? August glances up from his menu.

'He said he's coming'

August and Robin resume consulting each other about the dinner options.

I'm still a little bitter you didn't call me immediately to let me know Hot Doc bailed. Good thing Killian was there to pick up his slack.' Ruby says slightly annoyed.

'Hot Doc didn't bail. He was busy saving lives and stuff.'

'Right, right, whatever. How was the date?'

'A lot more fun than I expected. We had a few drinks and then hit up the bowling alley. It was nice'

'You're sure that's all there is to say, Emma?' Killian says as he approaches us.

Speak of the devil. Killian takes a seat across from me, grinning. I'm saved by the waiter taking my order. Feeling indulgent, I get myself a double appetizer. Killian raises his eyebrow in surprise at my order.

I shrug. 'What? I'm hungry.'

'Oh? You're sure that's not a residual side effect of being unsatisfied after our date? Sorry to leave you hanging'

'Speaking of unsatisfied. How's Rosie?' I nod at his hand, referring to the comment I made about his obsession to finger bowling balls. 'Hope she didn't get jealous and hold out on you'

His eyes flash with mirth as he holds up his right hand. He picks it up immediately. 'Not my girl. She's a giver'

Ruby sighs. 'Uhm you two need a table alone to finish whatever this is?'

'No'

'We're good' Killian confirms

'Yeah, this isn't a date for us. We're just friends'

Robin laughs. 'Funny you brought that up. I was talking to a guy at work today who insisted straight guys and hot women can't be friends'

'That's ridiculous!' Ruby says annoyed.

'He said that it doesn't go both ways to the same degree' Robin continues.

'What do you think, August?'

'Well, I'm not going to lie that when I first met Emma, I did think she was gorgeous'

My cheeks were slowly turning red. 'Aw, thanks, August'

'And I might have thought about getting into her panties. But now, there's nothing here but friendship.'

Ruby wrinkles her nose in mock disgust before turning to Robin. 'How about you, Robin?'

'Honestly, never thought much about it before talking to my coworker. You and I have been friends forever, Ruby'

She nods and turns to me. 'What about you, Emma?'

'I agree. Completely ridiculous. Killian and I just went out on a date and walked away as friends. We're both on the same page.'

Does Killian agree or does he secretly think this friendship won't work? As the other three continues to debate, I lean across the table.

'Your thoughts, Killian?'

I turn toward Killian but discover he's not paying attention to the conversation. He stares at his phone, brows furrowed and lips tightening in a frown.

'Killian?'

He glances up, and his eyes are unfocused and distracted. He doesn't make any eye contact with me.

'Sorry, everyone. I gotta take care of this. Don't wait up for me'

With a rap of his knuckles on the heavy wooden table, he gets up and walks out. That's pretty sudden. I wish I knew what was going on with him, but I don't want to pry...

'So, about Killian. That date was just a bailout, right? Or is he going to make a reappearance for the pact?' Ruby asks

'He's just a one-time bailout'

'Really, you seem to get along so well. What's the harm?'

'He has secrets. Like just now. What was that about?'

'Probably a work thing?'

'No trust me. He's got brick walls, and I have no intention of trying to scale those.'

She shrugs. 'All right, if you insist. So if Killian is out and Hot Doc is out of town for two weeks, who is your prospect for this month?'

I study my nails. 'What do you think of my nail color? It's like seafoam'

'Fine... Ignore me. I could use a full body scrub. Or a massage.'

I roll my eyes.  'How is this always about me? Do you have a date for this month?' I answer slightly annoyed.

'I do actually' she says triumphantically.

'Oh, really? Who?'

'Jefferson, from the third floor of my building.'

I nearly choke on my drink.

'You mean Elevator Guy? I thought we talked about this.'

He'd been riding the elevator way past his floor just to strike up an odd conversation with Ruby. Ruby didn't realize it until the guy let it slip where he worked. Turns out he's been riding the car longer to talk to her. Some girls might find it romantic, but I hate it. What else would he say or do to get what he wanted?

'Robin, do you know who Ruby is going out with this month?'

'Elevator guy?!'

'Yes! Are you okay with this?'

He shrugs. 'Why wouldn't I be?'

'Emma thinks he's a liar. And dangerous' Ruby explains

'He probably thought you were hot and was working the opportunities to get to know you better.'

I sigh. I don't want to make Ruby mad, but this doesn't feel right to me. 'Does he meet all your criteria?'

'I know about thirty people who know him. He's employed. He doesn't give me the heebie-jeebies. I've ridden alone in an elevator with him many times, and he's never been pushy. It'll be fine.'

I smile tightly. 'That's awesome. I hope you have fun'

The food arrives, but Killian doesn't return to the table. I hope he's okay...

⚓️

A few weeks later, I realize I should have been more on top of the pact. Shame is a luxury I can't afford. Let's just hope I didn't imagine all those looks the gym guy usually gives me. Digging into my closet, I pull out the big guns and a blue dress. If this doesn't work, nothing will.

I strut into the gym, carefully balanced in my tall stiletto boots. Gideon glances up from behind the reception desk. And according to plan, his eyes grow wide. He tries to subtly look me up and down without noticing but fails. Jackpot.

'Hey, Emma. No workout gear? What brings you in today?'

'What, you don't think these heels will work on the treadmill?'  I'm going overkill on the flirtation but I need this date.

He laughs. 'Not that I wouldn't mind watching you try, but we definitely have a rule about that.'

'I'm just kidding. Actually, I'm on my way to a meeting. I stopped by to ask if anyone turned in a pair of Ralph Lauren sunglasses. Tortoiseshell. I think I left them here.'

'Let me check the lost and found for you'

'Thank you so much. Are you sure you aren't too busy?'

'Never too busy for you'

He turns around and rummages through a bin behind the service desk. I feel a little bad making him search for something that I know isn't there. But I needed an excuse to come in. After a minute or two, he turns around empty-handed. Of course.

'Sorry. Don't see them'

'I'll have to look somewhere else. I don't have plans or anything this weekend so I'll have time to get a new pair.'

There it is. My bait. Will he take it?

'You don't have plans this weekend?'

'Well, I do wish I had plans'

'If you're free, a friend of mine is having a holiday party'

A holiday party? Even better! No one-on-one awkward conversations. 'You're not inviting me just because you feel sorry for me, are you?'

He shakes his head. 'No, I've been waiting for the chance to ask you out.'

I smile. 'I'd love to. Thanks for saving me from a long night of loneliness'

Date secured. This will be a piece of cake.

⚓️

This weekend, as I peer out my windshield with blurry eyes, I cough out a curse with Gideon's name in it. He told me he didn't have a cat! He just didn't tell me that his roommate did! With my horrible cat allergies, I've always checked. This is why. My body is swelling in places I don't even want to think about. Am I even on the right street?

In a rare stroke of luck, I find a parking space right in front of my building and screech to a halt. With shaking hands, I turn off my car and wheeze. Don't rub my eyes. Don't rub my eyes. Don't rub my eyes.

If I can just get to my apartment and overload on Benadryl, I'll be fine! Well, in 12 to 24 hours. I abandon my coat and scarf in the car. Those will need to be cleaned. Hell, my whole car will need to be. Vision decreasing rapidly, I exit my car, mash the lock button on my fob, and stumble over a crack in the sidewalk. My keys fly out of my hand.

Oh, you have got to be kidding me.

On my hands and knees, I search for my keys. I wipe at my teary eyes with my sleeve and then swear again. I'm an idiot. There's dander on my clothes. My reaction has been really bad up to now, but...

The itching sensation behind my eyes intensifies and I'm positive I look absolutely awful. Where are my keys? Oh crap, It's getting harder to breathe...

What if I pass out until my friends get home? Or worse...

Wheezing, I claw around on the cold ground, straining to take a full breath.

'Apartment Two?'

I groan and cough again, squinting through swollen eyes. Of course... Out of all people, he is the one who gets to see me like this...

 


	5. Chapter 5

His form comes into view, but I can barely make out his face through the blur of tears and dander.

'What happened to you?'

My throat itches and burns, but I manage to croak out the next word. 'Cat.'

'Wow. The others weren't kidding about your allergies. Here, let's get you off the ground.'

I shake my head at his offered hand. 'It's fine, Three. I just need to find my keys and get myself into my apartment. You go ahead on up. I look worse than I feel'

My attempt at an assuring smile gets interrupted with another choking wheeze.

'Not buying it, Two. You sound like Darth Vader.'

Ugh, he's right, but I don't want him to see me like this. As I hesitate to respond, Killian crouches down.

'I can't leave you like this. Please, Emma, let me help you.'

'I'll be fine. Just go.'

'You sure about that? Your face looks like Will Smith's in Hitch'

I nod. 'As soon as I find my keys, I can get in my apartment, shower, and chug medicine' 

'Your keys?'

'Yeah, I dropped them' I answer annoyed.

Killian walks by, scanning the ground as I continue to crawl on hands and knees.

He sighs. 'All right, I got good and bad news. What do you want first?'

'Good.'

He frowns. 'Really? Usually, people want the bad news first.'

'Killian!'

'Okay, okay. Good news first. I found your keys. Bad news, they fell in a grate and I'm going to need some tools'

'Shit. I can't wait that long. There's no way. I want to claw my skin off.' I complain

I Itch everywhere, my nose is running, my sinuses are so clogged, and I feel like my head is stuffed with cotton. It's only going to get worse if I can't get into my apartment. I hang my head, feeling a sob bubble up to my throat. Crying is only adding to the mess.

'Tell me what you need right now to make you feel better'

'Shower. Benedryl' I answer shortly.

He nods. 'Let's go to my apartment. You can use my shower. I might have something in my medicine cabinet for you.'

I can't get in touch with Ruby, August, or Robin. They're at the cinema. Killian is my only hope... 'You're my hero.' I whisper softly. 

He pulls out his phone. 'Can you say that again so I can record it?'

'Killian!'

He wraps an arm around my waist, draping my arm over his shoulder and guides me inside.

'All right. Up you go'

Right before I stumble on the stairwell first step, he picks me up in bridal carry and starts climbing. I smile at him. 'Thanks. I can't see that well. God, this is mortifying. I'm not keeping you from anything tonight, am I?'

He shakes his head. 'Nope. Lucky for you, I have a free night'

Reaching his floor he deposits me on my feet and unlocks his apartment door.

'Right to the shower?' he asks

'Yes, please'

After leading me to the bathroom, he turns on the shower.

'Let me make sure the temperature is okay before I'm getting you your drugs.' he says kindly. 

'I appreciate that. With how this night is going, I'd probably turn the dial the wrong way and burn myself'

He smiles as he feels the water. 'Okay, the water is good'. He turns around and faces me again. 'I don't need to...' He makes an awkward gesture toward my body. 'Uh... I hope you can manage...' 

I chuckle. 'I'm half-blind right now, but I promise I can undress myself' 

At the thought, a new itch at my collar makes itself known. I start scratching it and moan from the temporary relief. 

'Hey, no scratching! You're going to make it worse' his voice sounds harsh

'I'm so itchy!' I complain once again.

'I don't need to tape mittens on you, do I?' He gives me a hard stare, and I struggle to keep my hands at my sides. He smiles one last time before he starts to rummage through his cabinets. 

'Right. I'm going to run to the store next door. I don't have anything for allergies here. Body wash is the white bottle. I'll be back before you know it. ' 

'It's fine. I'll probably be in the shower for a while. Scrubbing every inch of my skin'

Killian doesn't answer right away, then clears his throat. 'Well, enjoy the, uh, scrubbing. Here's your washcloth'. 

He presses a square of fabric into my hand. After he leaves the bathroom, I strip, leaving my clothes in a heap on the floor, and carefully climb into the tub. I can't help the guttural moan that escapes me as soon as the hot water hits my skin. Finally, relief. I start to rub my skin carefully. Suddenly, a loud thump comes from outside the bathroom door. 

'Killian! Are you okay?'

To my relief, his muffled voice filter through the wood. 'I'm fine! I'll be back soon!' 

Seconds later, I hear the distant sound of his front door opening and shutting. Holding the washcloth, I squint at the bottles lining the shelf and start to doubt about the color of the bottles. I can make out three bottles, any of which could be a number of things. My blurred vision reveals nothing else. I pick the white pump bottle which smells great. I waste no time scrubbing my skin, hoping to rid myself of any lingering motes of cat dander. The hot water and scrubbing were really helping. I blink at the shower's white wall as a slow realization dawns on me. This is Killian's shower. Where he stands. Wet and naked. I shake my head. I should focus on my task: be clean and dander-free. It takes several more minutes of washing before I feel slightly better. My skin hurts from the scrubbing, but the pain feels better than the itch. A tentative knock sounds from the bathroom door, and I hear Killian's voice from the other side. 

'Are you decent?' he asks

'I'm still behind the curtain. Do you have the stuff?'

I hear the door open as Killian steps into the bathroom, followed by the sound of a crinkling paper bag. 

'I got your stuff' 

I stick a wet hand out past the curtain. 

'Hand it over.'

'Now? I figured you'd wait until you got out. Your breathing sounds better by the way.' 

'I don't think I can wait that long'

I hear the sound of him ripping open the packaging before a bottle fills my hand. 'There you go'

I smile. He even took the cap off for me. What a saint. 

'Did you see the cup that went with the bottle?'

'The measuring cup? Shit, sorry. I accidentally tossed it out with the plastic bag. Let me get it out of the trash'

'It's fine. I've got this' 

I tip the bottle toward my mouth and chug down its contents. 

'How much did you drink?'

'Enough' I ensure him. I pass the bottle back to Killian through the curtains. 'Okay, you seriously are my hero' 

Even after the shower, my body still feels like a swollen mess. 

'If I can just take care of this spot on my shoulder... So itchy'. I scratch and moan in relief. 

'I said no scratching!' he yells.

'I can't help it. I'm one giant hive. They're all connected now. And they itch ' I complain.

I scrub some more, and Killian waits patiently, occasionally barking at me to stop scratching. 

'Ohh, thank goodness. I think the medicine is kicking in' 

'Shower's over, Emma. Finish up and hop out' 

'Okay, now how do I turn off the damn shower?' I swat at what looks like the water knob, knocking down every bottle on the shelf instead. I finally manage to slam my hand down on something that cuts off the water. Silence fills the bathroom as I stand in the shower, dripping. 

'Uh, Apartment Two? Need some help?'

I definitely could use the help. The entire world is a white blur to me. But am I really okay with Killian seeing me naked? Otherwise, I'm totally risking a face plant here. And staying in the shower forever isn't an option. I sigh. 'It's fine. I can do it myself'

'Okay. How about I just turn my back? In case you need me' 

I cross my arms over my chest as if he can see me now. 'No peeking!'

'I promise' 

I gather my nerve and slowly pull back the curtain several inches. Just enough for me to look out. Maybe this was a bad idea. I can't see the towel. Everything is white! I make out Killian's back. He's standing in the open door of the bathroom. I'll just step out of the tub. I'm sure I can find the towel then. Holding onto the curtain, I take a tentative step outside of the tub. 

'So far, so good' 

With one foot planted on the floor, I lift my other. It catches on the edge of the tub, pitching me forward. Still gripping the shower curtain, I go tumbling onto the floor in a screaming bundle of plastic and wet skin. 

'Emma!'

'I'm fine! Your shower curtain isn't. But I am. Sorry about that.'

'I don't care about the curtain, Emma. I'm going to turn around -'

I start to panic. 'No! Just... can you grab a towel and toss it backwards to me? Why is your entire bathroom white?'  

Seconds later, a towel smacks me in the face. I free myself from the clutches of the shower curtain and wrap the towel around me, knotting it above my breasts. 'Well, that was an adventure. You can turn around now'

He does a quick glance back before his eyes drop. 

'Turn around, Two' 

Holding me at a stiff arms-length, he pushes me out of the bathroom and into his bedroom. He sits me on the edge of his bed, setting what looks to be the allergy medicine bottle on the stand. 

'I've got something you can wear. I'll let you get dressed while I go down and get your keys out of the drain' 

I nod as he hands me his clothes. I slip into his sweats, which are way too big, but luckily the pants have a drawstring. By the time Killian returns, I've stumbled my way into the living room and onto the couch. The medicine bottle next to me is almost empty. He walks toward me, swinging my keys around his finger. 

'You found them!' I stumble after jumping to my feet. Oops. Maybe I had too much medicine. I feel light. Too light. 

Killian places my keys on the coffee table. 'How much did you drink?'

'I needed just a little bit more. It's working great now'

Killian sits down next to me, leaning forward to study my face and neck. The collar of his tank top creases and I can see the hard lines of his chest underneath. I'm so lucky Killian found me. I have no idea what would have happened if he didn't. 

'Time for me to head home. Just let me grab my keys and I'll be out of your hair'

'Emma...'

I snatch my keys off the coffee table. 'I'm ready to go!'

Killian blinks at me. 'Uh, Emma, those aren't your keys. Those are sunglasses.'

I glance down at my hand to find I'm holding a pair of Ray-Bans.

'Oh'

'I don't mind at all if you stay here. Really'

I nod. 'Yeah... Maybe that's for the best.'

Not trusting my feet, I sit back down on the couch.

'Any idea when Ruby and the guys will be home?' he asks

'Why? Are you not having fun?'

He laughs. 'No, it's not that. I don't want to drop you off in your apartment alone when you're like this.'

There he goes being a gentleman again. 'They're at a movie'

'Ah, so that's why no one responded to my text.'

I stare at my feet. 'Killian, I'm so sorry for messing up your night'

'No, it's fine.' He points at the table. 'I've got your purse too, by the way.'

'Ooh, thank you!'

I laugh giddily, voice too loud, and watch him as he takes a seat next to me.

'I'm thinking we can just hang out for a while and talk, maybe.' He suggests

I yawn so wide that my jaw cracks. 'Wow. I'm sleepy'

I lean over until my head rests on Killian's shoulder. My eyelids grow heavier. 'How about a game?'

His deep, low voice seems to murmur right into my ear. 'You sure you're up for a game?'

I nuzzle into his shoulder, the cotton of his shirt soft against my face, as he pulls a blanket over my lap. 'Yeah sure, how about 'Never have I ever'?'

His soft chuckle lulls me closer toward sleep, my eyes closing. 'Not a chance'

⚓️

When I wake hours later, it's to a hand rubbing my shoulder. Where am I? What happened?

'Time to get up, Emma'

Is that? Did I? Oh God... Pushing myself up with my elbows, I hear a grunt underneath me. Yep.. that's Killian. And yes, I did fall asleep in his lap. In fact, I'm cuddling him. Why do I feel so dizzy? The night is slowly coming back to me. Cats. Shower. Medicine. Wow, things are still hazy.

'Killian?'

'Yeah, it's me. Are you okay?'

I look at his face, inches from mine, taking in the tousled hair framing his bright eyes... And at the fond smile teasing at the edge of his lips. They suddenly seem much closer.

'I should get up. Get off you at least.'

Despite my words, neither of us moves.

'Emma? Your friends are here.'

He notices the confused look on my face. 'I left the door unlocked for them...' he explains

'Hives, huh?' I jump at the sound of Robin's voice and look up to see my friends piled up at Killian's front door. Oh no... I'm going to hear about this for weeks.

'Well, well, looks like Apartment Three scratched Emma's itch for her after all' Robin continues with a laugh.

⚓️

The next time I wake up, I blink at my ceiling. The memories immediately rush back. Killian carried me up to the stairs. He offered his shower, got me medicine, and then let me fall asleep on his lap. Why can't I stop thinking about how soft his shirt was? How good he smelled. The sheets rustle. A leg brushes against mine. I scoot back, waiting for a warm arm to encircle me. Instead, I feel a sharp elbow dig into my side. I roll on my back only to find Ruby in a sprawl of limbs.

'God, you're hideous' she hisses

I reach up and touch my face. My eyes and lips still feel puffy.

'Why are you in my bed?'

'You practically overdosed on allergy medicine. I saved your life by sleeping with you' she sniffs. 'What is that smell?

She digs her nose into my chest, which is still clad in Killian's shirt.

'It's nice, right? Haven't you ever noticed how good Apartment Three smells?'

She shrugs. 'I don't know if that's the shirt, or just... you. Are you sure you aren't getting your itch scratched by Apartment Three?'

'Ruby, you are violating my bubble!'

'Pfft, you're my best friend. You don't get a bubble.'

I roll my eyes at her. 'All right, well, time to get up. I have to shower. Again.'

'And go thank Killian for his white knight routine last night?' she says playfully.

Yes, that too... 'My bubble, Ruby!'

She hops off the bed, laughing.

⚓️

Later that afternoon, I trudge up the flight of stairs to the third floor. My pulse seems to race faster as I approach Killian's door. Get a grip, Emma. Why am I angsting so much over giving him back his clothes and saying thank you? I might have been a bit touchy-feely last night, which was totally not my fault, but nothing between us changed. I'll say thank you, hand over these doughnuts I bought, and then I'll go back home. No problem.

Despite the little pep talk, I hold my breath as I knock on his front door. As his footsteps approach, one thing becomes clear to me. The hot rush through my veins isn't anticipation... It's excitement. Oh, no. I'm excited to see him!

He swings open the door and grins at me. 'Morning, gorgeous'

My eyes widen as I take all of him in; his smile, his laugh, his face... That's when it hits me, and I nearly stagger back from the realization.

Shit, I have a crush on Apartment Three...


	6. Chapter 6

I stare at Killian's smiling face, struck speechless at my new revelation. I recognize the signs now. The prickly awareness on my skin whenever he is around. The giddy anticipation of seeing him again. What am I going to do with a crush? I don't want this. All a crush is going to do is get in the way of our friendship, not to mention my life. Killian eyes the doughnuts in my one hand and his laundered clothes in the other.

'Want to come in?'

I doubt for a minute. 'I appreciate the offer but there's, uh, a thing I gotta do'

I hand over the treats and his clothes. 'Thanks again for everything you did for me.'

'Sure. See you around, Emma'

'See you'

I slowly make my way down to my apartment. Maybe with time, the crush will go away. It has to.

⚓️

A few weeks pass, and by the time January rolls around, I remember the thing about crushes. They last. Linger. Especially when the object of said crush continues to be attractive, sweet, and lives one floor up.

'Hey!' Ruby waves a spatula in front of my face to get my attention.

'What?'

'What's up with you? For the last few weeks, you've been so distracted'

I know I have been, but I've been hoping no one noticed. Robin glances up from my refrigerator where he's grabbing a beer. He's tagging along with Ruby for dinner at my place. 'I agree with Ruby'

'Thanks, Robin' Ruby smiles at him sweetly and then turns to me. 'See? Even Robin noticed, and he's oblivious to everything'

'Hey!'

I laugh but Ruby continues to watch me expectantly, waiting for an answer. It's amazing how much this crush is taking up space in my thoughts. 'Really? I don't think I have'

Ruby sighs in frustration. 'I catch you staring off into space all the time. Don't think I haven't noticed you checking out men more when we're out, especially Apartment Three.'

Ruby looks smug as she stirs the pasta sauce. I sputter. That's not true, is it?

'Don't you agree, Robin?' she asks

He looks up from where he's shoveling mozzarella cheese into his mouth. Come on, Robin, side with me and tell Ruby to leave me alone.

'It's time for Emma's biennial celebration, isn't it?'

I glare at both of them. 'It hasn't been that long!' I count silently in my head. The last time I had sex was with Neal and that was... I groan out loud. 'Oh, God... It has been for three years.'

Ruby chuckles. 'Told ya. You're overdue'

I toss the pasta in the pot of boiling water and tap my fingernails on the counter. Three years... So that's why I can't get Killian out of my head. Maybe I can kick this crush once and for all if I throw my starving libido a bone. All Is need is a good kiss with someone I find tolerable. Then I won't be tempted to take Killian for a test drive. I stir the pasta as I remember Will, a coworker of Ruby's who I went out with last July. I wouldn't mind kissing him. Satisfy my libido and take care of my pact for the month, all in one date. Perfect.

'Hey, Ruby. Is Will still single?'

She shrugs. 'As far as I know. Is he the contender to scratch your itch?'

'I don't need any scratching. Maybe just some light petting'

'Want me to set you up?'

'Sure, work your matchmaking magic'

She smiles. 'Of course, I can. Just leave it up to me babe. He will have you purring in no time.'

⚓️

A few days later, I leave the station, a spring in my step, holding a bag with a brand new dress. Not a bad find for a date night. My phone rings. It's Ruby calling.

'Hey, there Rubs! Calling me to tell me how kissable Will looks at work today?'

She hesitates. 'Um... not exactly.'

I slow my step at her hushed tone. 'What's going on?'

'You have to cancel'

I frown, still not getting what is going on. 'What are you talking about? I can't cancel. Our date is in two hours!'

'This is the second date. We both know what that means, and I can tell you in two hours, you'll be wishing you canceled'

I stop walking as my stomach churns. 'Ruby, just tell me what's going on.'

There's a rustling on the other end of the phone, followed by a mumbled whisper. 'I can't hear you, Ruby!'

'He has a cold sore. It's massive. I don't know why he hasn't contacted you yet to cancel but if he doesn't you'd better!'

That's not good. 'Okay, you're right. I can't go out with him.

'I'm sorry, Em!'

I sigh. 'Yeah, me too.'

I hang up with Ruby and walk home. I have a week and a half to go out on another date for the month. On the way, I call Will to call off the date. He seems relieved. He was probably thinking of a way to call off the date too if he has a cold sore. I still don't feel any better about the situation though.

By the time I reach my apartment building, I'm tired. I'm tired of pretending to be open to possibilities when I'm really not. I'm so tired of pretending to want what I don't and pretending not to want what I do. Speaking of what I want, Killian rounds the stairs as I head up. We've passed each other a hundred times, but today... today he looks different. He's dressed up more than usual, in a nice shirt and newer jeans. They still look amazing on him. I sigh. Why does he have to look this good today, when I'm feeling so low?

'Emma, are you okay?' he asks worriedly

Do I really look that bad? 'Oh sorry, I was... it doesn't matter.'

As I pass, he catches my elbow. My body lights up at the touch. All I wanted was a light snack for my libido, and that's not Killian. He's the dessert buffet I'm trying to avoid.

'What's up?' he asks again

His concern is almost too much for me to handle right now. I don't have my defenses up. After the allergy disaster, the last thing I want is his pity but I decide to tell him the truth. 'My date for tonight fell through'

'Oh'

I pull my dress out of the bag. His eyes dart right to the dress as I unfurl it. 'I bought a new dress for it and everything...'

He peels his eyes away from the dress to meet my gaze. 'You look disappointed. Is this someone you actually liked?'

I shrug. 'Not really. But I'd convinced myself it was at least going to be a good date. A nice night. You might have spoiled me'

He huffs a soft laugh. 'Ruined you for all other dates, did I?'

There is that dimple again. Yeah, this crush isn't going anywhere anytime soon. 'Pfft. Don't think so highly of yourself'

He laughs, probably because he knows that I'm lying. 'Sure. So do you have a backup date in mind?'

I slump against the wall. 'There's a guy I can call'

Despite his easy expression, his next words sound too stiff and tight. 'First date?'

'No' I swallow around the lump in my throat. 'Third'

A muscle in his jaw jumps, and I can feel the weight of my response between the two of us.

He nods. 'And what does... a third date entail?'

How do I describe second base to him without making this all more awkward? 'More than a kiss' I answer softly.

Killian swallows hard and takes a step back. A wall closes down over his expression. 'Right. Well. Good luck. Catch you later.' His tone is brisk, and he continues down the stairs. I murmur weakly at his retreating back. 'Thanks, later'

I take the rest of the stairs up to my apartment and blink through tears as I unlock my door. Why am I upset? Did I really think he'd be willing to bail me out again? I unlock my door and close it behind me, tossing my purse and dress bag on the floor. Another date between us would require a kiss. He knows that. This is ridiculous. I'll just take a bath, drink some wine, call Ruby, and –three loud knocks land on the door behind me. I startle at the sound and whirl around. Could that be...? My heart pounding, I fling open the door. 'Killian?'

His arms are braced over the door, broad chest rising with stiff breaths and frustration clear in his eyes. 'I'll take you out tonight'

Wait, that's not just frustration in his eyes. There's something else, too... His darkened eyes never leave mine as I take all of him in. He wants me too. This moment feels like I'm on the edge of a cliff. If I jump, I'll never be the same. Me and Killian will never be the same. Will a kiss ease my crush on Killian, or make it worse?

'You don't have to do this just because you feel sorry for me, Killian. I'll be fine.'

His laugh is rough. 'Emma, I feel a lot of things right now, but pity for you isn't one of them'

'Killian...'

He takes a step forward. 'Let me be the one to see you in that dress. Not a backup on a third date'

I smile shyly. 'Okay then, if you're sure'

'Same deal as last time. This is only for tonight'

'Right, of course.' That's all I want anyway. One night to get this crush out of my system.

He stares at me. 'So, this kissing business.'

'It has to be a real one' Subconsciously, I lick my lips, and his gaze fixes on the flick of my tongue. 

'Maybe we should get the kiss out of the way then'

I frown. 'Out of the way? You mean kiss now?'

He nods, and the air between us heat as his eyes darken further, gaze still on my mouth. If he stares any harder, I may melt. Hell, this whole apartment building may catch on fire. He takes a large step toward me, crowding me farther into my apartment. I still haven't said no as one large hand encircles my waist, the heat of his palm burning through my shirt. This is it. He's going to kiss me. How many times have I imagined this?

His other hand rests on the back of my neck, under my hair. It's been so long since I've been kissed. And I want it so bad. But this is the last chance I'll get with Killian. It won't be a real date experience without a kiss at the end... He leans in, and his lips move. My brain finally registers his words.

'Are you ready, Emma?'


	7. Chapter 7

I place my hands on Killian's chest, his body heat radiating through the soft cotton of his shirt.

'Wait, Killian...'

Underneath my palms, I can feel the smooth flex of his pectorals as he inhales deeply.

'Emma...'

The low rumble of his voice sends a delicious warmth spreading through my body. Am I ready for this? 'The kiss has to be at the end of the date for it to count. We have to actually treat this like... a date.'

Killian nods once and exhales roughly. He rubs one palm over his jaw. 'Any other rules for the kiss?'

'Front stoop. Not in my apartment. Our tongues have to touch at least once' I rattle. 'Oh.. and no gagging' I say as I picture my moment with August again.

He chuckles as his hands drop back to his sides. 'Right. No gagging.' His eyes drop to the dress bag on my floor. 'So  what time should I pick you up?' '

I look at the clock on my wall. 'How does sevon sound?'

'Works for me.'

He turns around and looks at me over his shoulder. 'Oh and Emma...'

'Yes?'

'Wear that dress.'

Without another word, Killian turns and leaves my apartment, shutting the door behind him.

⚓️

The next hour flies by in a whirlwind of polishing and primping. I still doubt about my outfit. I look through my closet and decide to go for a white cocktail dress. I've always gotten compliments when I wear this dress. Killian's knock at the door comes at 6:58 PM. I open the door to see him there with a bouquet of flowers in hand. He's fixed his hair and put on a fresh pair of jeans. He smells good, too. That same clean, wonderful scent I woke up to after I overdosed myself on Benadryl.

'You look gorgeous' he says kindly.

I feel my cheeks flushing red. 'Thank you'

His eyes flick to the unopened dress bag still on my floor. 'Not the new one?'

'Not tonight' I whisper.

He quirks his eyebrow and grins. 'I wonder what it'll take for you to wear it'

We share a long look. 'I wonder...'

After inviting Killian inside, I head to the kitchen to put the flowers in a vase.

'So, do you have any rules?' I ask him.

'I do, actually' He leans against the counter and crosses his arms over his broad chest.

'And these are?'

I turn around to face him, and he steps toward me, crowding me against the counter. 'Rule one: we milk this date for all it's worth. Rule two: it's only for tonight' he whispers

'Only tonight'

A pregnant pause stretches between the two of us until the air between us crackles. Killian breaks the heated moment with an awkward cough and steps back.

'Actually, it's just one date. Not the whole night' he corrects himself.

'That's probably for the best. A whole night... could be dangerous.' If I already feel this dizzy in his presence now, how's it going to be by the end of the date? 'One date. One kiss. Then, we're done.'

'Then we're friends' He tucks a strand of hair behind my ears. 'Well then, what do you say we make the most of this date? Really do it up?'

'Well, bring it on'

He chuckles. 'Challange accepted.'

'Are you sure about this, Killian?'

His eyes crinkle. 'Are you?'

⚓️

An hour later finds me giggling into my napkin as Killian tells me another story about his family.

'So, that was the fifth attempt. On Dad's sixth attempt to teach us about the birds and the bees, Liam stepped in. Now imagine this: your 13-year-old brother giving your entire family an accurate sex education lecture over dinner'

'Oh my God! Where - '

He interrupts me before I can even finish my sentence. 'The internet, apparently. I'm pretty sure my brother and I have guaranteed our mom we will be first in line for sainthood. She deserves it for the years of hell we put her through.'

I laugh again, nearly choking on the water I was just sipping.

'Now as for -'

I giggle. 'No Killian! My poor sides can't take it anymore!' Damn, I've completely been ruined for all other daters. Killian Jones keeps his word.

'You didn't grow up around here, right?' he asks

'No, I'm from a small town in Maine, but I've lived here for a long time now. Do you like Chicago?'

He nods. 'I do. I love the food, architecture, and art. Around here, people make more eye contact... and introduce themselves to their neighbors'

We spend a moment to laugh together.

'Do you miss New York?'

His grin turns wistful. 'There's no place like New York. It's electric. It's home to me. The place where I fit.'

I nod understandingly. 'That's Chicago now to me'

If he feels that way about New York, then why is he here? Last time I asked him, he didn't answer. But I don't want to ruin our nice time by asking him personal questions. I return his smile, but my fingers twist around my napkin anxiously. Having a conversation is so easy with him. We fit as friends. What if the kiss changes everything?

Killian must have seen the change in my mood because he leans forward. 'Emma?'

'Maybe we should get the check'

'What's the matter?'

'Maybe we should just end the date here. Before we do something we can't take back.'

'Like the kiss?

I sigh. 'I know it's not supposed to change anything, but... what if it does? I like the way things are now.'

He quirks his eyebrow. 'Worried you'll like the kiss too much?'

'Aren't you?' I ask shyly as I stare at the tablecloth to avoid his gaze.

'I know I will. But neither of us want a relationship, right?'

'Right'

'So no matter how much we like the kiss - and I know you'll love it - it doesn't matter. We both know the chemistry is there, but tonight we get a free pass to do what we want with zero consequences.'

What does he mean by a free pass? This is just a kiss, right?

'We're going to like it. We're just not going to do anything about it. What do you say?' he continues.

I really want this kiss, but I also don't want things to change. My heart screams louder than my head. 'Okay, a free pass it is'

Killian leans back in his chair, looking satisfied with himself. 'Check, please!'

⚓️

By the time the cab pulls up to our apartment, the snow had blanketed the ground. The normally drab winter-gray exterior of the apartment is now white and pristine, with fat snowflakes still falling down. Killian exits the cab first, his footsteps silent on the snow-covered sidewalk. I exit behind him, staring up into the sky in awe. 'Beautiful' 

Snowflakes fall on my eyelashes, and I smile at the feel of the flakes on my flushed cheeks.

'About the most beautiful thing I've ever seen' His voice is quiet, and when I turn to face him, he's watching me. Not the snow falling. He grabs my hand, helping me to the front stoop of the apartment building. I wish this date didn't have to end. But it does.

'So what happens after the kiss?' Killian asks

'We go to our own apartments. Alone. And when we pass in the hall again, we make fun of each other'

He smiles. 'We're not friends unless there's some good old-fashioned mudslinging'

'Exactly.'

We stare at each other in silence.

'No audience tonight. The rest of the crew is at a concert. You're lucky' I try to ensure him.

His voice goes a little husky. 'I am lucky'

We both feel that it's time. I feel it when his hand rests on my hip when his other hand slips under my hair. There's no backing out now. One kiss. I brace my hands on his chest, rising slightly on my tiptoes to accept his kiss. Everything about this moment feels right, complete. He closes the distance, and his soft lips brush against mine. Then press. A low hum of electricity settles between us as Killian groans against my mouth.

'Emma...' 

My fingers curl into his shirt, and in the next second, my mouth is open, and his tongue flicks inside. That low hum sparks. Ignites. His tongue delves in farther, gentle and demanding. The pact conditions are satisfied. I could end this now. Before it goes too far... I pull back, breaking the kiss, and blink up at Killian.

'Wow, that was... um...' I murmur

I manage to drop my hands from his neck and take a small step back, wobbling slightly. The hands that never left my hips steady me, and I look up into Killian's eyes, still hooded with desire.

'Emma, with your other dates, did you let them kiss you more than once?'

 I struggle to recall any other date and shake my head. 'No. Never'

'Good'

He grits the word out roughly, and then his hands pull me back in as I clutch at his shoulders. He bends me over backward and devours my mouth like he's starving for it. I can't lie any longer. I'm starving for it too. His hands move under my coat, one kneading the curve of my ass, the other palming my breast. My body is alive with sensation, only aware of here and now with Killian, his mouth ravishing mine. I feel his arousal as he presses me into the wall. I rock against it, needing to be closer, needing more friction.

'Tell me to stop' he whispers roughly

I sigh. This is going someplace we can't come back from, but I want him so bad... 'Killian, we have to stop...'

He pulls back and nods with a quick jerk of his head, and I can't tell if he's relieved or disappointed. Maybe I just need to gather my courage. The date isn't over yet. Maybe... one more kiss. We go inside and arrive at the door to my apartment. 'Killian, this date doesn't have to be over yet. Do you... want to come inside?' I look up at him. 'Or actually, maybe we should go to your place. My friends have a key to mine, and the last thing I need is for them to barge in...'

'Emma'

There's something in his voice, a deep regret that is an abrupt change from only moments before. 'Yeah?'

'You're beautiful, and you know I want to, but we can't go any further'

'I know what we agreed on, but nothing changed. We can still come back from this and be friends tomorrow! We don't need to stop because of all these silly rules...'

'It's not about the rules'

What's up with this sudden change in mood? 'Then what is it about? Killian, what's wrong?'

I see the conflict warring on his face and feel the tension underneath his skin. His behavior starts to annoy me. 'We're not sneaking around like teenagers. We're both adults, and it's not like there's someone else.'

Deafening silence follows my words. My heart starts to pound as my stomach twists in realization. Slowly, I meet his gaze. 'There isn't someone else, is there? Because if there was, you wouldn't have kissed me, right?'

'Emma... it's complicated.'

Icy dread creeps through my veins. No, no. This can't be happening again.

'Let me explain'

'No.' With fumbling hands, I reach for my keys, turning my back on Killian.

'It's not what you think. Please just stop and let me explain'

I don't want to hear it. I've been down this road before. I open my door, slip inside, and slam it in Killian's face. I lean against the door and squeeze my eyes shut as the tears fall. How could I let this happen again? Is it me? The memories come rushing back. Of Neal, who proposed to me after a whirlwind romance. Of all the red flags I ignored and half-truths I accepted from him in exchange for a promised happily ever after. Of the way his pregnant wife showed up at my parents' church, and in front of half of the town, branded me a homewrecker. I didn't even know. He told me afterward that he'd planned to divorce her. Just like he'd planned to tell me before my parents sunk a fortune into a wedding he wasn't going to go through with. I'm tired of secrets. Tired of half-truths and being hurt.

After changing out of my dress, I sit in my kitchen and stare at a bottle of tequila. Drinking this will make me feel good temporarily, but I'll wake up feeling crappy. Am I taking out what Neal did to me on Killian? Does he deserve the chance to explain himself?

My phone buzzes and I glance at it, expecting it to be Ruby checking on me for the night. It's not. It's Killian. Almost against my will, I pick up the phone and open his message with its attached photo. A photo of a sleeping baby appears on my screen.

_'This is why I had to stop'_

I drop my phone on the kitchen table. Oh God, not again. Am I cursed? I need to know. I need to find out...

_'Your son?'_

_'I thought he was'_

 


	8. Chapter 8

What? What does he mean by that?

_'Can I explain?'_

I sigh as I respond to his text. _'I'll unlock my door'_

Minutes later, I hear my front door open and close. Killian enters the living room and raises his eyebrow at the bottle of tequila on my coffee table.

I shrug. 'I didn't start drinking it. Yet.'

'I'll get right to it. I'm not married, and I'm not technically seeing or involved with anyone. I'm sorry I didn't clarify right away, but I wasn't thinking clearly. And the question caught me off guard.'

I really want to believe him, but I can't blindly trust people anymore. Not after Neal... 'You said technically?' I answer annoyed.

Killian sighs and pulls out a picture album from under his arm. 'It will make more sense once I explain. Or maybe it won't. Can I try?'

Now that he's here in front of me, I'm not so sure I want an explanation. His walls, his secrets... they may be the reason we can remain friends. I sigh and then turn. With Killian following, I head into my kitchen and sit down. 'Okay, I'm willing to listen.'

He looks relieved as he takes a seat across from me and opens the photo album. Inside are pictures of a little boy with dark hair and big, bright eyes. He's beautiful. I suddenly feel bad for lashing out at Killian. A little boy is involved.

'His name is Henry.'

'You said you thought he was yours?'

He runs his thumb over a picture of a tiny newborn, his little wrinkled face scrunched up. 'When this picture was taken, yes. That was what his mother told me. Regina came to me a month after we'd broken up and said the baby was mine. That was what I believed for a year and a half after that.'

He flips through the photos, and it's the ones where Killian is pictured with Henry that makes my heart ache. He looks so happy and natural as a dad. It's clear he loves this little boy. 'What happened?'

'A week before his first birthday, Regina handed me the results of a DNA test. Another man is Henry's father. She said she was leaving me to be with him. And she was taking Henry.'

'My God, Killian... How? What?' I murmur.

'I was the first to hold him. I changed his diapers, knew which bottle he liked best. I loved him before he was even born. What that paper said didn't matter to me. It still doesn't. He is my son, blood or not.'

With wet eyes, he pushes the album away and clears his throat. I notice that he is in so much pain, but I hold myself back as Killian rubs a hand over his weary, heartsick face.

'Despite everything, legally I wasn't his father. Regina took him to his biological one. At first, that guy chose not to be involved. That's why Regina came to me and lied. Because Daniel, Henry's father, wanted nothing to do with them at first.' He closes his eyes tightly and shakes his head as if the memory caused him pain. 'But now, she said, they were going to be a family. Without me.'

'What did you do?'

'I went to the police. A lawyer. More lawyers. But all of them said the same thing. I didn't have a legal leg to stand on. Because Henry...' his voice cracks. '...isn't mine.'

He points to the last page in the album. 'This is from before he turned one. He's two now.' Slowly, Killian flips over to the next page. It's empty, as is the remainder of the album.

'Have you seen him since?' 

 'She let me see him once. To say goodbye. There was a police officer... Henry didn't understand when I had to give him back. He was kicking and screaming - ' Killian's jaw clicks shut as he takes in another shuddering breath. Here I thought I'd been betrayed. But Killian shared his life and home with a woman, only to have his son taken.

'I get one phone call a month when Regina lets me know how Henry is doing. She'll call me.'

I suddenly realize it. Those times when he'd have his phone out and obsessively checking on it. I thought they were work calls. 'Do you still love her? Regina?'

Killian's lips twist upwards, but no smile reaches his eyes. 'You're wrong. It was never like that with her. We dated for a month, and I broke it off after I realized there was something off about her. But a few weeks later, she came to me and said she was pregnant. She didn't have a job or a plan. I had the means, so she moved in with me. I hoped our feelings would grow, but they didn't.' He shakes his head and laughs darkly. 'I even proposed to her because I wanted Henry to have a stable life, but she wasn't interested. She was holding out. Six months after Henry was born, Regina wanted to move to Chicago. She said it was to be closer to her family. But as it turns out, that was when Daniel headed back here. And now, here I am.' He gestures a hand over himself and sighs before he continues. 'During our phone calls, she complains about Daniel somtimes, so I know their relationship isn't great. One of these days, one of them is going to walk, and I'll be there to pick up the pieces.'

I shake my head in disbelieve. Wait a minute, he's not suggesting... 'You'd take her back?'

His expression steels itself into firm determination. 'In a heartbeat. Anything to be with Henry again. That's why I stayed in Chicago instead of going back to New York. I'm Regina's fallback guy, waiting in the wings, ready to slip back into her life. And that's why I can't be more than friends with anyone else.'

Killian's not a cheating asshole. He's not using me. He's put his life on hold for a little boy he loves. 'Killian, I'm so sorry for what you've been through and for what you're still going through.'

Killian sighs. 'I appreciate that'

He straightens his shoulders and stands up. 'I'll head back to my apartment now. I'm sure you're tired. Tonight has been... eventful'

I make my way to my front door and open it for Killian. 'Thanks for letting me explain.'

I look back at him. 'Thank you for taking the time to do it. I'm just sorry this is your situation.'

'Me too. I'm glad you understand why... we can't...'

I nod. 'I do understand'

He smiles and my heart aches at the sight. For him, for that little boy, and for what Killian and I can never be. I keep telling myself that I don't want a relationship and that this is totally okay. 'Sleep well, Killian'

'You too, Emma.'

⚓️

The next morning, I'm in my kitchen having breakfast with Ruby. She's grilling me about last night. 'So you went out with Killian, the two of you kissed, and then you came home. That's all?'

I keep my head down as I stir my oatmeal. 'Yep, pretty much.'

Ruby looks skeptical. 'Is there something you're not telling me? Did Three do something to upset you? I can go beat him up.'

It's hard to keep this from Ruby, but it's Killian's private life and not my place to share. I could tell her more about the kiss though, but I'm not sure if I'm ready to admit my feelings for Killian out loud. 'The truth is, it was a great kiss, okay? A really good one.'

'Oh! Kiss and tell!'

I shrug. 'There's not much to say. We both agreed we don't want a relationship. So as great as the kiss was, that's all there will be.'

'No repeat?'

'Nope.'

She notices the change in my mood. 'Are you okay with that?'

'Yep' I lie.

'If you say so'

I smile at her. 'I do. Now, go! Go bother Robin or your brother. I have things to do today'. And of course, I'm not going to tell her that those things involve baking cookies for Killian.

'All right, all right. Let me know if you want to hang out later.'

'Will do!'

Ruby closes my door behind her, and I set off to take a shower and start baking.

⚓️

A few hours later I walk up the stairs to Killian's apartment, cookies in hand. I'm nervous to see him. A lot has changed since yesterday. What's worse is that my crush hasn't lessened. Not a bit. If anything, it's stronger. Not only is he an amazing kisser, he's a good man, too. He is willing to put his life on hold. Take back a woman he doesn't love. All because of a little boy. The cookies are a peace offering. A way to get us back on track as friends. Killian clearly needs good ones. I knock on his door, ready for a few wisecracks. But when he opens the door, it's not with a friendly look. His gaze is heated as he does a slow sweep of my body.

'So, I know I said you're never getting these, but I've reconsidered' I say as I hand him the cookies.

His gaze drops to the plate. 'Pity cookies?'

I  shrug with a smile. 'Maybe a little bit'

'I'll take the pity. It's been a shit year. Do you want to come in?'

I doubt. I want us to stay friends. This might be too soon after what happened last night or a good, fresh start as friends. 'Sure'

He takes the plate of cookies from me, and I walk inside. 'Actually, since I'm here, I'd like to apologize'

Killian takes place on the couch and places the cookies on the coffee table. I join him. 'Apologize?'

'I was a little unforgiving when you first moved in. You had a lot going on, and I gave you a hard time.'

'Nah, it was a good thing.'

I look at him in surprise. 'How so?'

'After Regina left, I was pretty shut down. I cut all ties with my friends, avoided my family, and moved across the city. And then you came along, all... not nice. You didn't treat me with kid gloves like everyone else. You were exactly what I needed to feel alive again. Trading barbs with you gave me something to look forward to.'

'You were ready to have friends again'

He nods. 'Yeah, friends who didn't know what happened. Who didn't ask about Henry.'

'That makes sense.'

He flexes his fingers and eyes the plate of cookies. 'All right, enough of that talk. Now, I'm finally going to get some of these'. He grabs a chocolate chip cookie and sinks his teeth into it. It's still warm from the oven. He closes his eyes and groans. The sound takes me right back to last night. Me against the wall. Him pressing into me. His fingers searching...

'Emma?'

'Uh... '

'Are you blushing?'

I shake my head quickly. Too quickly. 'No, I'm just... whew, it's hot in here. I should talk to August about the heat'  

He quirks his eyebrows. 'It's only 65 (18) degrees in here'

I roll my eyes. 'Oh, shut up.'

'Hey, look, about last night... I don't want things to be weird betwen us. We got carried away.'

He is right, but it's hard because it's pretty clear that we're both still attracted to each other. 'We can stick spending time together in a group. That would be less awkward, right?'

'That's a great idea. At least until we're both cooled down and last night is less fresh in our minds' 

I chuckle. 'Maybe if I let my libido off the leash once in a while, I wouldn't jump every guy who offers me some lip action in the name of friendship.' Shoot, that sounded weird. 'I mean, maybe if I brought Rosie out more often -'

His head jerks, and his breathing picks up. Suddenly I'm worried that I said something wrong. 'I didn't mean your Rosie. I meant my Rosie.' I hold up my hand, which only makes things worse. Killian's stare grows heated, and I can tell that his imagination is running wild. This conversation is going all wrong and I wished that I could see what kind of thoughts I am putting in his head. 

He swallows and then smiles slowly. 'Emma, you're blushing again.' 

'Turn down your heat then! I need to go. Back to my apartment. To do... things' I rattle annoyed.

'You're really going to leave while I'm still thinking of you and Rosie alone together?'

I roll my eyes. This friend thing is going all wrong. Me and my mouth... 'You should take a cold shower then'

His voice follows me as I make a run for his front door. 'Safe to say we're beyond any cold shower remedies'

⚓️

I line up my shot and throw. My dart leaves my hand and sinks into the bar's dartboard with a satisfying thud. 'Bull's eye!'

It's been a few days since Killian and I had our date. We've managed the friends' thing pretty well, but only because the others are usually around. But Ruby and August are running late tonight, which means I'm alone with Killian... I throw a smirk at him, and he raises his glass to me in salute. This isn't a big deal. Just two friends. Being friendly. Doing friend stuff. Except that I can barely keep my eyes off him tonight. My eyes keep darting to his broad shoulders. Shoulders I've touched. Shoulders I've clung on to. My nerves hum at the memory of his fingers gliding along my skin. Turning back to the board, I throw my last dart. It hits the near center, cementing my win. 'Woo hoo! That's what we call some total righteous ass-kicking. You're welcome'

I dance around Kilian in a circle, and then offer him a napkin. 'This is for your tears'

He chuckles. 'You're enjoying this, aren't you?'

'Absolutely!'

I return back to my table and take a sip of my drink. Killian slides across from me, still smiling. 'What? We're not playing another round?'

'I think you want another beatdown. Come on - '. I lean my head closer to his and whisper dramatically. 'You can tell me. Shame's your special kink, isn't it?'

Killian clears his throat and leans back into his chair, but I don't miss the way his eyes trail over my face. 'As it applies to this game, spanking is my kink. So, sweetheart, you'd better brace yourself as I'm about to indulge it in a no-holds-barred... exhibition's wet dream kind of way. Get ready.'

I'm saved from answering as my phone vibrates in my pocket. Except when I glance at my phone, it's not good news. 'It's Ruby. She and August are being held up at the trust lawyer's office. They can't make it to dinner'

The tension between the two of us grows heavier in the air. 'That's fine. We can have dinner without them.' Killian says 

I was hoping Ruby and August would be here to be our buffers. To make sure we don't... I should probably go, but leaving now would be weird. 'Let's eat then'

He smiles kindly. 'Good. I'm starved'

By the time we get our food, I'm regretting my decision to stay. The conversation has stalled, and I can't even meet his eyes without blushing. He doesn't seem to be much better. He's barely looking at me and keeps fidgeting. Maybe we both need some time to get used to this friends thing.

After dinner, we share a cab home. The two of us sit in the back seat in silence. I really can't take this. It is so awkward, but it's not like we're regretting our feelings. It's awkward because we're both trying to ignore what is between us. I try to keep my head turned out my window so I won't be drawn to him. But I keep wondering if he's struggling as much as I do.

The silence between us continues for the rest of the cab trip.

As I make my way back to my apartment, Killian doesn't even stop at my landing. 'See you around, Emma'

'See you'

Turning, he goes up the stairs and out of sight. I let myself into my apartment, closing the door behind me. I don't think I can do this. I can't continue to ignore my feelings and be friends with him. I rest my head on the door, my pulse rushing and head spinning from my thoughts. I still want him and I think I know how to make things work between us. With shaking hands, I reach for the doorknob. 

 


End file.
